Not to be outdone, Representative Bob Kingsbury said he's been working on a theory since 1996, when he analyzed local crime rates and compared them to a list of communities that offered public kindergarten. Then, he told his colleagues, Laconia offered kindergarten and had the highest rates of crime. Meanwhile, surrounding towns, some of which didn't offer kindergarten, had less crime.
"We're taking children away from their mothers too soon," Kingsbury concluded.
Kingsbury wrote to all of his then state representatives, informing them of his research.
In addition to kindergarten, Kingsbury also linked the rise of crime to the decline of gun ownership and to fact that boxing is no longer taught in school or offered as a sport.
So, increasing crime is the fault of kindergarten. One wonders if Rep. Kingsbury spent even a moment pondering the potential impacts of increasing population density. One might begin to wonder how this area of "study" even occurred to him, but one quickly realizes that that way lies madness.
As for boxing being taught in schools or offered as a sport - there's a direct corollary between the kind of education funding/budgets that Rep. Kingsbury supports and the decreased funding for EVERY sport.
Rep. Kingsbury hails from Illinois, where, by the way - they have kindergarten. Perhaps he was driven out of his home state by gangs of pre-school thugs, who terrorized him every day with their counting, singing, and finger painting. Oh - the horror!
At least now I know exactly where it was in life that my moral compass broke down. It was when I attended kindergarten at the Manasseh Cutler Elementary School. You see, not only did I attend kindergarten - I attended kindergarten in Massachusetts. No wonder I've been arrested a dozen times. I could hardly be other than a career criminal with that background, right Rep. Kingsbury??
Songwriting genius Beverly Woods was inspired to write a song about this horrifying information. Here she is, accompanied by her equally brilliant partner Seth Austin, playing the mandolin.
You can read the lyrics here.
There's one comment at YouTube but it's a beaut. I applaud anyone who uses the term "lumpen proletariat."