More Testosterone than Taste

The NH GOP is in deep doo. They lost big – lost almost everything last November. With their typical arrogance, they failed to take notice of the change in the direction the wind was blowing. They had held all of the power so long that they became complacent. They were entitled. And they got stomped on. The NH GOP really needs some money, in order to help finance the upcoming nasty, sexist, campaign against Congresswoman Carol Shea-Porter. Most folks still remember the awful Martha Fuller Clark ads that Jeb Bradley ran in 2002. The NH GOP is so bunched up about losing a seat to a woman that they’re ready to do anything to raise money to run a candidate with the proper equipment to navigate the halls of Congress.

They’re in the hole, because they were convicted and heavily fined for the 2002 phone jamming debacle. You remember – the GOP paid a Virginia telemarketing firm to jam phone lines at a phone bank where Democrats were calling for rides to the polls. The RNC paid millions of dollars in legal fees, trying to cover up and keep their scummy pals from getting wedged into orange jumpsuits. That’s right – they broke the law, and the consequences have caused a drought in their once overflowing coffers. Presidential candidates are flying in and out of state on a regular basis, so it’s not hard to attract one to almost any kind of an event. It’s a good time to rake in the shekels.

Fundraising, of course, is what political parties do. The Carroll County Republicans had a fundraising dinner this year, with Senator John McCain as their guest speaker. The Carroll County Democrats had a much larger affair, with Senator John Edwards as the headliner. Both parties have fundraisers all the time – from the swanky to the pancake breakfast – and everything in between. This year, however, the Manchester City Republican Committee hit on something completely different. They decided to have a machine gun shoot at a Pelham firing range.

Yesiree bob, a machine gun shoot! What a great idea! Since the first of the year, we’ve had two police officers killed by guns in the line of duty, we all watched the massacre at Virginia Tech unfold, where a lone gunman killed 32 people and wounded 25. Recently in Conway, three people were gunned down in the course of a robbery. A machine gun shoot is the logical follow-up. It’s hard to imagine, but there are folks out there who have been quite critical, who think this is in poor taste. Clearly these are people who aren’t familiar with the NH Republican party. Good taste isn’t in their repertoire.

The Manchester City GOP invited all of the GOP presidential candidates. All have declined. It’s hard to go anywhere without bumping into a candidate and the lesser known would attend just about any event in the hopes of boosting name recognition. Still and all, somehow Iowa looks more appealing than a machine gun shoot in NH. “I really tried to get Rudy Giuliani there,” said Jerry Thibodeau (chair of the committee) “Because I’ll tell you, this is a guy who can’t relax.” Great idea, Jer. Get a guy out on a gun range with a bunch of guys he doesn’t know and machine guns, and he’ll unwind quicker than you can scream, “AAARRRGGGHHH – he shot me!”

Thibodeau was also quoted as saying, “My first and foremost goal is that everybody who walks in walks out.” That’s something one doesn’t often hear in connection with a political fundraising event, no matter how bad the rubber chicken may be. The good news is that there will be 20 safety experts on site, and on-site instruction will be required for all participants. So much for natural selection. Jerry Thibodeau is quite excited about this. He said, “It’s a way of expressing yourself, I guess, we all have a little testosterone in us, right?” Indeed. That may explain a lot of things, including Ann Coulter’s overdeveloped Adam’s apple.

Manchester GOP City Committee executive director Kelly Hurst told the Union Leader that she carries a small pistol for personal protection, but went on to say, “I’ve never felt the need to carry a machine gun down the street with me.” Not enough testosterone, apparently. A day out on the range with the manly men may persuade her that it’s the right thing to do. This would be really perfect if they wore loincloths, and went out after a meal of rare roast beef, martinis, and Ted Nugent tunes. Thibodeau recently turned 60. Some guys opt for the mid life crisis red sports car – and some, apparently, opt for a machine gun. Good thing men don’t go through menopause.

The cost of this event is $25 per person. This doesn’t sound like a big money maker, especially without a presidential candidate. What these folks need to do is invite the Vice President. They need a big name – and who could be bigger than Dick Cheney? This could really put the Manchester City GOP on the map, and take a nice, relaxing, machine gun shoot to the next level. One wonders, however, why there are enough of them hanging around to even have this
event – shouldn’t they be firing machine guns in Iraq?

“I’m surprised Dick Cheney loves to hunt so much. The five times the government tried to give him a gun, he got a deferment." Jay Leno